There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
