I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize