She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
