I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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