i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
