Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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