he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
