i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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