i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize