I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
high people should be assigned attendants
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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