dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
