I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
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you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
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We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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