we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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