I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
