I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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