So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
