We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
