"it" just moved
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
