My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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