Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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