so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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