Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
