People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you have to choose: penises or morals?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
