Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
