I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
