Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
