I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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