meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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