oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
how drunk are you?
Several
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
