YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize