he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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