I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
