just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
