i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
