You made me cry and you don't even care
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
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If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
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You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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