Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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