Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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