Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
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you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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