can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
she pinky promised me she was 18
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
