some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
