Plan B is the new Plan A
she told me i tasted like america
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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