you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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