She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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