Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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