i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
