i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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