oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
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Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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