Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
