Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize