i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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