My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
No I am not eating basil off your cock
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize