I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
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everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
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Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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