Fine. I'll sleep in my office
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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