I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
