Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
