She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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