my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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