I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
