She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
