im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
