I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
