Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
